Not Gone
by Missmarauder13
Summary: I can't believe I made it..." Remus said as he arrived in the heaven afterlife. He finds all of the loved ones he lost and everything seems great. Until he remembers the son and sister he left behind. RLSB
1. I Believe

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The lyrics aren't mine. They are from Spring Awakening.

Author's Note: Here is an edited version of an older fic I wrote in the past... enjoy.

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_Those you've known  
And lost, still walk behind you  
All alone  
They linger till they find you_

_Without them  
The world grows dark around you  
And nothing is the same until you know that they have found you_

"Where am I?"

That's what a less shabbier and younger looking Remus Lupin said. All of a sudden, he was not at Hogwarts. There were no unforgivables being casted and no cries or screams that Remus heard throughout the castle. No more deaths. All that he saw was a field where he was alone. There were no Death Eaters...no more of anyone.

There was silence. And the stillness frightened Remus a bit. "Tonks?" He turned around and saw a younger Tonks. "What is going on?"

And then he saw Ted Tonks, Nymphadora's father.

"Come here 'Dora," Ted said to his daughter. Tonks didn't say anything to her husband. Were they still married? Remus thought.

Tonks waved at Remus and followed her father. "I'll see you soon," is all that she said. All of a sudden this light appeared ahead of them. The younger woman followed her father into the light. He was alone again. He wanted to follow them and go into the light to see what was going on but it vanished.

Remus thought his eyes were fooling him but then he saw his mother, Diana Lupin walking over towards him. The light appeared again. She said nothing, only putting an arm around him and walked him towards the light.

* * *

"Mum. Where am I?" Remus asked, as he hugged her. The brightness vanished. He still couldn't believe he was with her.

"You're home," said Diana. Remus had no idea what she was talking about. She looked younger than Remus remembered her. She had this glow to her. She looked beautiful. He was now walking up to a small nice cottage.

"What is this place?"

"You're in the afterlife." she paused. "Heaven."

The two of them were now inside the cottage's kitchen sitting at the round table. Remus had so many questions now but he was speechless and was only able to say--

"I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too Remus," she hugged him. "I'm sorry you went through so much after I died. It was sad to watch your way of grieving."

"Oh mum I--wait a minute. You saw…"

"We can look over the people we love from here," Diana explained.

"How much did you see?" Remus asked, feeling embarrassed. There are some things that a mum shouldn't see.

She grinned. "I know what you're thinking about. I knew when the right time was to look. I accepted the relationship between you and Sirius. First I was taken a bit aback. You could ask Athena. I was so upset at first that I wouldn't have grandchildren but then I saw how much the two of you loved each other. Whatever made you happy made me happy." she stopped for a minute to stare at him. "Tonks...she was a bit of a surprise. I wasn't expecting that."

"Yeah same here."

She smiled at her son and continued, "You must have some questions about this place, I would be surprised if you didn't."

"You're younger," he said bluntly.

"Yes. I am glad you noticed that, " Diana responded. "When you come here, here meaning the afterlife it makes you have the appearance at a time in your life that you had so much joy. I looked like this when Rachel was born and you were two years old and we were all one big happy family. My marriage was great and I had the best two kids a mother could have. It was when we... were all happy."

"I heard from someone that John..." Remus didn't refer to his father as "Dad" or anything of that sort. "He was killed. I don't know by whom."

"Really," she said. "I have no tears or sadness for him. He will not come here. There is a place for people like him who did stuff like that to his family." her voice was so bitter. "What happened to Romulus?"

"He's still alive but everyone he was friends with was killed." Remus told her the fate of his cousin.

"Deserves it," she said. "Athena, a friend who you met when you were very young and Aphrodite are here too. They live close by. Life is so much more peaceful here."

"I can't believe I made it to heaven," Remus said honestly. "I never thought about it if there was or not (this place). I didn't think I would be allowed to be here. Being a werewolf and a bisexual one no less."

"You shouldn't have been thinking like that. You were a good person in your life," Diana hugged her son.

"Am I still--" Remus asked but was cut off by Diana.

"I have no clue about that." she paused and continued. "Never met a werewolf here."

"Do you know how proud I am of you? I know I wasn't there from the age of 16 on so I wanted you to know that. I also love my new grandchild." right after she said that she realized that it wasn't the best thing to say.

Remus eyes were watering at the thought of Teddy. "My baby boy," Remus exclaimed. "He'll never know! He'll never know!" He started to cry hysterically and kept saying things. Cried so much in a short period of time and made up for years the lack of emotion. Now his mother was holding him in her arms and trying to calm him down. It was almost comforting and something he has wanted for years. It felt right. He eventually left her arms and wiped his eyes. "Sorry."

"What's there to be sorry about?"

"I've never did that before: been that emotional in front of anyone before. Except for--"

"Sirius," she finished. "Speaking of him, you should go outside. That might cheer you up."

He took her advice and followed the doors that led to a big and green yard. There was a small patio where Remus saw--

"James! Lily! Sirius!"

_Those you've known  
And lost, still walk behind you  
All alone  
Their song still seems to find you_

_They call you  
As if you knew their longing –  
They whistle through the lonely wind, the long blue shadows falling_

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Author's Note: review por favor. More to come


	2. Whispering

Author's Note:Thanks for the reviews

Enjoy!

oh yeah and the lyrics... don't belong to me. "Mirror Blue Night" From Spring Awakening

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_Flip on a switch, and everything's fine –  
No more lips, no more tongue, no more ears, no more eyes  
The naked blue angel, who peers through the blinds  
Disappears in the gloom of the mirror-blue night_

Remus couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Lily, James and Sirius sitting outside, relaxing. James was holding Lily close to his body and playing with her long red hair. Sirius was grinning (like usual). They all looked like the same age as him.

"Remus!" Lily was the first to run over and hug him. "I can't believe--"

"You finally made it," Sirius joked as he walked over. "Took you a bit,"

Remus was speechless and didn't realize it when James and Sirius hugged him.

"Welcome back!" James said.

Remus sat down next to Sirius and couldn't believe that he was with his friends. After all this time, thinking for so many years that he would never see James and Lily again. There they were. And seeing Sirius again... felt amazing.

"We really missed you," said Sirius when they sat back down.

"We saw what was going on down there," Lily continued. "You fought so bravely."

"Thanks," said Remus. "It was crazy that night. Insane." Remus felt that he still had the picture of Teddy in his pocket. The thought was just too overwhelming for him. Maybe, it showed because Sirius said, "You did what you thought was right. You were trying to protect him. Don't blame yourself."

"Sirius I--"

Severus Snape walked outside. "I need to speak to you," he pointed to Remus.

"What's he doing here?" asked James. "I didn't think they allowed people to come up here."

"James!" Lily warned him.

Remus followed Snape back inside his mother's house into the kitchen again.

"What are you doing here if you don't mind me asking? Is it Lily?" Remus knew all about Snape and Lily. Once, shortly after the Potters' death Snape and him met at a pub. Let's just say some secrets spilled because of one too many firewhiskeys.

"I forgot you knew about that. I don't even remember that night," Snape admitted.

"It's a little blurry but I understand why you would want to forget," Remus said almost grinning trying to pull Snape's leg.

"Not the point I am trying to make. I wanted to know if Rachel--"

"She's not here Severus," Remus replied. "She lived."

"How was she able to pull that one? I really thought you would live through it,"

"If I did live through a second war I would probably go insane or something." said Remus.

"It's just that she doesn't have as much skill as both of us. It's odd isn't it?"

"That's Rachel," Remus sat down. "But what if she was here. Which one would you pick? Lily or her? Did you even love her when you with her?"

"Yes," said Snape, almost unsure. "I did. I never told her." he said with more confidence.

"She loved you very much. When I told her about Dumbledore she thought I was a liar and that I only said that as a joke to split you two up. She didn't buy that you were evil. She knew there was something that made you still on our side. Rachel was right or else you would be somewhere else right now."

"But Lily, she's so--"

"Lily is with James! She's not going to leave him," said Remus truthfully. "They've been together for so long up here and you--"

"Shut it Lupin! I don't want to know!"

"I'm just telling you what I think. I need to go back now. You can try to talk to her I guess."

"Are you and Sirius--"

"I don't know. We haven't talked about it yet," said Remus.

"Why Tonks?" Snape asked suddenly.

"I don't know Severus. I really don't want to talk about so be quiet!" Remus snapped. He didn't mean to sound harsh. "I'll tell Lily to come in here. I'll see you around."

When he returned to his friends and Sirius asked, "What did he want with you?"

"Nothing. Something about Rachel that's all. Lily, Severus wants to talk to you."

"I'll be fine James," Lily said when James gave a worried look. "Thanks Remus," and she walked back into the house.

"I want to show Remus the house, Prongs so--"

"It's fine Sirius. Have fun you two," James grinned.

"Follow me," Sirius was walking outside the yard of Diana's home and into very green grass with multiple hills of even more green.

"It's beautiful here," said Remus.

"Just a bit further," Sirius took Remus' hand and they both ran over the small hills. "There we are,"

It was a cottage. A quite small one but it had two floors and what looked like a never ending back yard.

"Sirius, this looks like the home we--"

"It is," Sirius opened the door and this setting was very familiar to Remus.

With Uncle Alphard's money, Sirius bought a small but cozy cottage that he wanted Remus to share with him. There were many memories in that house. Sadly, they had to move when they graduated from Hogwarts to an unwelcoming flat because of their business with the Order.

Everything looked the same. Like time stopped and there were no traces of war and death.

"Amazing," muttered Remus.

"I think you really don't need a tour." Sirius smiled and went over the living to sit on the sofa. Remus followed him.

"Sirius, we need to talk about a few things," Remus said in a very serious tone.

"I know we do Moony," Sirius' face was centimeters away from Remus' face. "We have to catch up, but we have all the time in the world now." Sirius was on top of Remus and he caressed Remus' face and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "I missed you so much,"

"Same here. I missed you."

"Before we begin, I do have to ask you one thing: Do you still love me?"

"Of course I do!" Remus answered. "Why wouldn't I? That's a crazy thing to say." He got up from his position below Sirius, looking concerned.

"You and Tonks?"

"That was noth--"

"Don't say it was nothing Remus John Lupin!" exclaimed Sirius and his mood changed. "There must of been something. You fucking married her and you guys had a kid. I saw you guys when you were doing it. It was gross. How you even think about doing that? And with my cousin. My cousin who's years and years younger than us! I know you have done some disgusting things in your life but this takes it. This is the worse."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I know when I was in Azkaban you slept around with a lot of people. You even slept with the girl you had a crush on when you were eleven. I never said anything about all of your "escapades" but seeing you and my cousin was the last straw," Sirius said.

"Who told you?" Remus demanded

"Your sister," Sirius answered. Remus sighed.

"Sirius, I thought you were guilty. I mean deep down I knew you weren't," Remus tried to explain calmly. "But you were in prison and I was not in the right state of mind. I was extremely depressed. I went back to drinking a lot of firewhiskey and did some things that I regret. And I'm sorry we couldn't talk about this sooner. Why didn't we talk about this sooner? When did she tell you?"

"That still doesn't explain Tonks. Did you or did you not love her?" Sirius was holding Remus' wrist, and shaking him.

"Sirius, stop doing this,"

"Come on, you wanted to talk," Sirius said in a mocking tone and grabbed a chunk of Remus' hair on his head. Sirius started to kiss him hardly.

"Stop it!" Remus shrieked. "I didn't love her the way I loved and still love you Sirius but please let me go!" Remus ran up to the second floor where he knew where their bedroom was. He slammed the door and locked it with a powerful locking spell. Sirius followed him.

Sirius yelled a few derogatory swear towards Remus and banged on the door. "Remus let me in!"

"No!" Remus yelled back. He looked around the bedroom. It was almost scary how familiar the room felt.

Many minutes later Sirius banged on the door again but his voice was softer. "Please Remus I'm sorry I acted this way. This is a terrible way to greet you. There are a lot of things we never talked about and maybe one day we should but right now... I just wanted to be with you."

Remus noticed the pictures on Sirius' night stand. One was a picture of him, James and Sirius when they were about sixteen. Peter we suppose to be in the right hand side but it was obvious Sirius cut him out of the picture. Then, the picture closet to the bed was a photo of the two of them. Sirius was holding Remus close to him. They were at James and Lily's house. Remus, in the picture gives Sirius a kiss and Sirius returns the kiss. Remus sighed.

"Please let me in!" Remus could hear Sirius from the other side of the door.

Remus sighed, "Fine," and he opened the door. Sirius gave Remus a long embracing hug.

They decided to lie down on the bed for awhile. Sirius was playing around with Remus' brown with just a little bit of gray hair.

After a long time not talking Remus said, "I always wanted a child."

"Huh?"

"I never told you that. When Harry was born you told me that you didn't want a kid because you were so happy and Harry was enough."

"Tonks really loved me and I didn't know what to do," Remus continued. "I was lonely when we did it if you want the honest answer. Your sex is better if you want the answer that would make your abnormally high self-esteem even higher. I had to marry her. It was the right thing to do. I couldn't leave her and our unborn son. And after talking to Harry..."

"Yeah I saw that also," said Sirius. "I never saw you do that before,"

"Yeah that was pretty extreme I guess. I didn't mean to throw him into a wall."

"Sure you didn't," Sirius grinned.

"If you kept abusing me like that like you did before than you would be at the wall right now,"

"Remus Lupin-- Super Werewolf," Both of them laughed and Remus continued.

"Rachel wasn't thrilled with my first choice either about leaving Tonks. I understand why she would be so against it. I didn't throw her into a wall but we said really nasty things to each other. Oh Sirius, I miss her," Remus exclaimed and Sirius held him. "Is there a way I can see her?"

"Yeah there is Moony but you shouldn't see her now. She's probably really upset now and you're really upset too," Sirius said as Remus cried on him.

"I was such an asshole to her! I didn't mean what I said to her!"

"It's ok. It's ok," Sirius kissed the top of Remus' head and pulled him closer to him.

Remus gave Sirius a very hard kiss and started to take off his shirt.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking off my trousers. Why do you ask?" answered Remus in a reasonable tone.

"Well you were just crying hysterically a few minutes ago and now you're taking your clothes off," Sirius didn't mind the act of Remus taking his clothes off. He really enjoyed it but his lover was acting very rash which was acting out of character. Sirius started to undress himself after he saw that Remus was up to taking off his boxers.

"You're just as beautiful as last time." Remus said after Sirius was naked.

"Same goes for you,"

Remus looked over to the mirror behind the door. His body...his face.

"Not as many scars," said Remus looking down at his body. Remus wasn't a vain person but he never liked how his body looked. It would normally look old and scarred but now there were very few scars. And there were no more lines on his face. "Wow I actually look good,"

"You always looked good to me Remus Lupin," Sirius grabbed Remus by the waist and guiding him to the bed while snogging him.

_And the whispers of fear, the chill up the spine  
Will steal away too, with a flick of the light  
The minute you do, with fingers so blind  
You remove every but of the blue from your mind_

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Author's Note: review


	3. Left Behind

This fic is almost over...one more chapter and that should do it. Enjoy!!

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Remus thought he heard someone knock at the door but ignored it since he enjoyed sleeping next to Sirius. After all of these years without Sirius' body against him as the sun rose...anything can wait. The long but eventful night was the most scintillating experience Remus had in a very long time. It started out rocky but ended in bliss. The knock on the door only grew louder as Remus tried to go back to sleep burying himself against Sirius.

"Lupin! Black! Open the door!"

"Oh Moony!" Sirius just woke and cried out. "It wasn't a dream. You're here." No matter how cheesy that sounds.

"I'll get it." Remus left the bed and went down the stairs to meet Snape.

"Finally you answered." Snape sneered. Remus looked down and he was only wearing boxers. "Put on some pants... please! Has the afterlife made you completely dumb"

"It hasn't made me dumb Severus," Remus laughed. " It's made me...never mind. What do you want? Besides my pants,"

"I DO NOT want your pants!"

"Hey Remy whose there. Oh hey Snivellus." Sirius greeted the man from the stairs.

"Did you two stop believing in clothing? Black please put on at least underwear. I do not want to see that!" said Snape who was officially disgusted

"But I want to see it," Remus said and went over to Sirius to kiss him. Remus left and went into the kitchen.

"Please not now. I didn't come all the way over here to join you two. I had to ask Sirius a question. A serious question,"

Sirius had to refrain from laughing and went to get his pants. "Snape if you're asking what I think you're going to ask. No I can't."

"But I know you have it. Remus' mom told me you had one!"

"Wait, what about my mother!" Remus called into the living room. "Don't tell me you did her too."

"No, no and NO. And ew," Snape said

"Have to admit that she is attractive in this afterlife." Sirius grinned.

"Oh please Black. Tell me you're joking!" Snape said and continued. "I want to see Rachel again." Snape had so much concern in his voice that Sirius never heard before.

"Well if I'm showing you. Remus!" he called. "Stop trying to attempt to make pancakes. I know you heard everything."

"Well if he wants to see her. I want to too. She's my sister." Remus said and missed her terribly. He walked into the living room and sat next to Sirius on the couch while Snape was sitting on a chair.

"Where is it?" Snape asked?

"Follow me," Sirius told the two of them and followed back upstairs into the second bedroom that wasn't used.

The second bedroom was mostly empty besides some old photographs of the marauders and a basin that looked like a pensive from their world. Except it wasn't a Pensive at all. It worked in a very different matter. Sirius looked into the liquid first and said something quickly under his breath. He walked away since he didn't want to look at Rachel and the state that she was in. "There. Just look into the water and you'll see the living person who you want to see. I must warn you. This device can be dangerous. You can go crazy from it sometimes. Trust me I know," Sirius looked at Remus. "One time James, Lily and Diana had to drag me away from that thing. I hate it but I can't get rid of it. Sometimes you are given one when you reach this place. It's not fully paradise with this weight attached to you" Sirius left the room. Snape immediately looked into the water while Remus was hesitant but followed anyway.

_Rachel was in Teddy Lupin's nursery in Andromeda Tonks' home, trying to calm the light-blue-haired baby down. His crying wasn't going away. Rachel, still in grieving over the deaths of her brother and lover was holding back tears._

_"I wish I could keep you," she said when Teddy stopped crying and wanted to play with her hair. "But my record with taking care of children hasn't been the best and you grandma doesn't trust me. She never did." She sat in the rocking chair where Nymphdora and Remus only a handful of times used. "I wish you could have met them. I wish so much Teddy. You'll never know them. They were such great people no matter what was said about them. Remember that Teddy even though you really have no clue what I'm saying. I'm just blabbering on now aren't I?" Teddy burped after she said this. Rachel laughed quickly and started to tickle him. _

_"You're like the only person I have left you know that?" she said while rubbing his tummy. "I lost everyone I loved during this war and you did too in a way. But you have me and you have Grandma and Harry." She put Teddy back onto the diaper changing table and didn't change it the wizard way. When she was all done, she picked him up again and held him close to her. _

_"I remember when Remus told me the news that you were born. I was so happy. I was going to be an aunt. And not a boring one... a cool aunt that you can talk to about anything. And would love you unconditionally. I always will," she put Teddy back into his crib and his hair changed to a light brown. Rachel's eyes began to tear up. _

_"I'll always be here for you Teddy. No matter what people say or try to prevent me from doing."  
_

_"Rachel! Are you still here?" Andromeda walked in._

_"I was about to go," Rachel said and as she was about to walk away she paused. "Please Andromeda. I know you've heard from Molly what happened with Andrew. I was young and very foolish. I've grown up since then and Teddy means everything to me now. And I know Remus would have wanted Harry or I to take care of him. Harry's too young to take care of a child. Even though after what he's been through I think he can handle almost anything..."_

_"This isn't your decision Rachel. This is what's best."_

"_No it isn't!" Rachel exclaimed and got fired up. "You don't trust me and you never liked me. Or Remus for that matter! I never did anything to you and since--"  
_

_"Rachel stop it." Andromeda said. But Rachel couldn't and brok__e down and started to cry. Andromeda looked at her with pity and embraced her while she was sobbing. _

_"I want to be with them so much Andromeda. I miss the two of them so terribly. But I know there's a reason why I am still here and they aren't. There must be."_

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Author's Note: Last chapter is next. Review and make someone happy.

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